You Were There (For Ernan)

Ernan died last October 22, 2012.  He would have turned 32 on January 15.  Ernan has always been special to me.  We shared so many things.  He was there in my successes and failures.  We shared the joys and pains in life despite living our own lives.  He was practically at my beck and call.  He never complained — he was just there for me.

When he started to get ill in 2011 I admonished him to move to the house so I can monitor his progress.  He willingly obliged.  That decision must have been God’s mighty hand working — the eventual experience taught me the true value of loyalty and friendship.  When times were rough sailing, Ernan would tell me not to give up on him.  God knows how my patience was tested but I assured him of my  support till the end.

I saw how Ernan fought his sickness.  He would never complain when I’m around.  When we were all asleep, he would be awake — suffering silently, cringing in pain but he would never wake us up.  There was a time though that he woke me up and hugged me and thanked me.  He said:  “Ma, pag mamatay ako gusto ko dito ako ihaya ah…”  He made me promise.  Then we laughed about it.

When I was losing hope Ernan would tell me that he knew that he would recover.  That was enough for me to fight on.  But deep in my heart I felt that he was succumbing to the physical pain as I saw him get weaker and weaker day by day.  Ernan was exhausted and he became unresponsive that fateful day.

I summoned all my strength — held his hand as he lay in bed and whispered:  “Nan, pagod ka na?”  He nodded.  “Gusto mo nang magpahinga?”  Another nod. “Sige Nan, wag mo na kaming alalahanin…magpahinga ka na…”  Ernan pressed my hand and shed a tear.

Everyday since he died, I still have this lingering feeling of guilt.  Have I done enough for my friend?  Each time I think of Ernan, I grieve silently.  I cry when I’m alone not wishing others would see.  And then I came across this song and right there and then Ernan seems to be telling me to move on and just remember that our friendship that has withstood the tests of time is more than enough.

Thank you Ernan for being my friend, my confidante, my partner.  I terribly miss you Nan.  Rest ka na at rarampa ka pa sa langit…

YOU WERE THERE
Written & Performed by Babyface
(For the movie SIMON BIRCH)

Time passes, the world changes
But I’m still the same ole’ kid
And your jokes still bring me laughter
As if you still were here
And it hurts
When I smile
‘Cause my heart still remembers
When you were around

‘Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
‘Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

So precious, small treasures
A time when truth was innocent
True friendship, was all we were after
A place where kids could still be kids
And it hurts
But I’m glad
‘Cause at least I was blessed
To have you as my friend

‘Cause you were there
When no one was
Just when I thought nobody cared
You showed me love
‘Cause you were my friend
You always told me
And I am still here
Because you were there

You’re my best friend
There are no accidents
God has a plan for everyone
And he brought you in my life
To show me what a good friendship was

taken in December 2011 during from Day 1 to Day 9 of Misa de Gallo

taken in December 2011 from Day 1 to Day 9 of Misa de Gallo

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6 comments

  1. i can feel your pain Kuya Orms..and i remember you talking about him when I was in Gensan, the story was short but i fully see how much you love and care for him…Truly You have a good heart that’s why when Ernan left…no space leave blank…You still have Niño who loves you that much..and I can feel it!!!….

  2. waaaaah, kuya! Ang aga naman ng iyak ko at 9am, wala pa ang primetime.

    I would always remember him as cheerful and friendly. Didnt know he’s just in 30’s when I had to call him always kuya ernan. He must have thought im kainis hahhahahah. we are all missing him but I guess he’s having more fun in heaven. 🙂

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